Wavering Certainty
by ZoraMalfoy
Summary: In the aftermath of Zack's death, a certain Turk begins to wonder about the status of the company. End of Crisis Core. One-Shot.


**I got a plot bunny for my birthday, which was pretty darn sweet of my muse. My original fiction hit a bit of writer's block, so I needed a break anyway. I haven't really written any FFVII fics before, so hopefully it's okay. Thanks for reading! :)**

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**Wavering Certainty**

It's been raining for awhile now. It pounds across the plate like a thousand stomping feet uncertain where to run. The gray sky overhead is heavy with foreboding, just searching for a place to relieve some of its burden. Why it always seems to choose here I will never know. Perhaps it is just the curse of the Shinra.

AVALANCHE probably thinks it's one step in the Planet's revenge.

I hope the Planet does not go much further in its quest for vengeance though, I am certain that I am to discover myself caught in the crosshairs at that final showdown. Though death does not frighten me much, fending off an entire planet has never made my list of preferred methods for my inevitable demise.

It appears to be coming down faster now.

Mako green lights dance through the puddles, reflecting across every ripple in their surfaces. A soft breeze blows water into my face, filling my eyes and dripping off my nose. There only ever seems to be one reason why it rains anymore and it is a reason that I am never proud to share.

Someone died today.

Back in Wutai, I heard once that clouds are more like people than we can possibly imagine. They have a great burden to bear, one so heavy that there comes a time when they feel lead to release it upon us, like a person harboring the wound of a dear friend's death to the breaking point and beyond. There is only so much that a person can take, and clouds are not so unlike us. Rain falls like tears.

Today is no different. Water cascades down on us, drenching our clothing and washing us clean. Almost as though the clouds are weeping for the injustices I have caused as a counterpart for this company – if it is even truthful to call it such anymore.

Though I do not know if clouds really cry, I think that, on a day such as this, they make an exception.

I am not certain who has passed, though I have my suspicions. An innocent SOLDIER is fighting for survival in the wastelands, striving only to see the girl he loves one last time, and the only thing that I can do is to wait here for information to be forwarded my way. There is nothing else that I can do to help him.

This is not a job for me, but a job for my fellow Turks. There are too many eyes on me, waiting for me to place one foot outside of the fine line I tread, for me to offer the young man anymore aide than that of my top subordinates. They are the very best that I can give in a situation where so much is at stake, not just his life, but also the morale of the company. Many, myself and my fellow Turks included, are starting to lose faith in the path Shinra is marching on. It began with the destruction of small villages and then the creation of monsters to further Shinra's use and the people's necessity of the company, and from there it only continues to escalate. The few of us who rank high enough to know the truth are losing confidence in the place we have worked so painstakingly to erect over the years.

The corruption of this place runs deep, leaving a permanent aftertaste in my mouth. So deep, in fact, that the people in my company would not think twice about slaughtering one of their very own, even if he was once one of their most loyal employees.

It is nothing short of a disgrace.

There was a time when I was proud to carry the weight of the Shinra name, because it was a formidable and unadulterated addition to any self-respecting person's resume. Now, however, everything is changing. I am not so certain where my loyalties lie.

Not so long ago, the Turks were sought after for their battle skills, their intelligence, their ability to make a horrendous situation smoother, but now I fear our abilities are leading us down a path to our own extinction. We are being taken advantage of. Despite our long-time knack for doing the dirty work, we are inherently not so terrible. The crimes we are now asked to commit are becoming more heinous at an alarming rate.

I fear that next they will ask us to destroy an entire sector.

My hands wrap around the railing as I look out over the city. From this vantage point, I can see the wastelands beyond, a mere dot of deep gray on the horizon. That is probably where he lies right now. I can only hope they get there in time.

The company has cost this planet so much life. I do not want them to win on this occasion.

A notion strikes me that I have never given much consideration previously: Will I be forgiven?

I have spent so much effort working here, living here; it seems intangible for my life to have taken any other path. Here. Here is where I belong, despite the tragedies that have happened – and will happen – I have devoted my life to this place. As the days pass by, the wrongs committed by this company almost seem to grow exponentially, with myself being the one employed to cause many of them. They are not my sole idea, in truth, I have little discretion when it comes to deciding the direction of the company as a whole. Still, with the wrongs I have had a hand in, can I ever even hope to be forgiven?

It is unlikely. I have caused far too much destruction in my lifetime, just being a high-ranking official in this company has probably given me a price on my head high enough to buy off President Shinra himself.

Too bad that wouldn't work. That price does not even begin to include every life that I have taken with the pair of pistols in my belt. With that amount, we could get rid of both of the company's namesakes entirely. Maybe the company would be better off in someone else's hands. But who, in their right mind, would even consider doing such a thing?

AVALANCHE. The answer is so simple, but they lack the power to go through with it all.

However, it might be best for Gaia if someone else were in charge.

It is best that I do not say that in the presence of any other employees however. Hell, I had better not say anything of the sort at all. Who knows who would over hear. Many people have had the wool pulled over their heads for far too long. Shinra can do no wrong in their eyes. To tell them of the wrongs we have brought about, would cause what little hope that is left to come crashing down, shattering to pieces at my very feet.

That is why something must change.

Lightning flashes overhead, thunder rolling through the sky only moments later. I am not sure if it is going to let up anytime soon.

All I need is one phone call to confirm what I already know.

As if reading my thoughts, my PHS rings and I answer it without hesitation. "Tseng."

"S-sir, we…" The hitch in her voice tells me all that I need to know.

A failed mission.

Eighty-eight letters deemed undeliverable because of someone I am supposed to count as an ally. An innocent puppy slaughtered at the hands of the people that once fed him.

This is too much. Another blemish on an already muddied record, another thing that the citizens will never find out about. Little can shake the faith in Shinra that most of the people living on the plates have. It will take nothing short of a near-apocalypse to change Shinra's ways now. Too far down this path have they already traversed.

"It's all right, Cissnei." The words roll out of my mouth before I can think them through. As consoling as I would like to be, it is not in my nature. So instead I just gave her an empty promise, that she knows as well as I is nothing short of a bold-faced lie. Not one of my brightest moves.

"S-sir…" The girl seems incapable of fathoming whatever it is that she has just seen. Her voice cannot vocalize recent events. Someone she cared for has gone to the Lifestream. She should not have to do this.

"Cissnei, give the phone to Reno."

"It-it's my duty, s-sir." The feigned strength in her voice fools no one, and especially not me. She is standing on the brink of despair.

"Please, Cissnei. I don't want to make you do this."

"Y-Yes, sir." I can hear the strength ebbing from her voice and I know she realizes that that is my way of permitting her to give into the inevitable sobs. It is the best that I can do right now. It is all I can do.

There is a rustling sound as the phone is passed from one shaken Turk to the next, and a moment later he answers, "W-we were too late, boss." Goodness, even Reno sounds haunted. That is a rare thing to behold. He sounds unable to find his voice, unable to describe the horrors they have surely witnessed the aftermath of. A chill slides its way up my spine, unbidden, did they really have to send hundreds of troops to destroy one man, or even two?

Only one question comes to my mind, one that I should know better than to ask at a time such as this, yet it comes out anyway, "Was Strife there, too?"

Thunder rattles through the phone as I await the answer, it almost sounds as though they are at the heart of the storm. "N-no sir. Fair must have been forced to… leave him behind."

There. Now I know everything. The situation is as bad as my worst fears. Two men dead, their blood staining Shinra's already crimson hands. And few will ever hear their tale. There is nothing else that can be done but mourn over the two that have already been dead for years, as far as the rest of the population is concerned. We will grieve over two men that deserve far more than a group of murderers to mourn over them, because all others ceased shedding their tears over the fallen soldiers long ago. There is no one else left.

Except Aerith. The flower girl has never quite lost hope of seeing her beloved again. It is my duty to present her with the news. I will do so first thing in the morning.

"Come back home. You all deserve some time off. And be careful."

"Will do." His voice lacks the enthusiasm it normally has when I announce we are taking a few days of solace from the grueling schedule we tend to keep. It is the sign that all of us are losing our confidence in what we have always defended so vociferously.

Few threads of loyalty tie me to Shinra now. They are going down a path that I can no longer follow willingly. If I have any choice in the matter, my Turks and I will leave this organization as soon as it starts crumbling down. My loyalty is to them. Not to Shinra.

The rain is slowing now, as though running out of tears for the painful wounds inflicted on this planet. Some of the first glimmers of sunlight trickle down on the wastelands beyond.

I can only trust that that is a sign of hope.


End file.
